Monday, June 14, 2010

Bats, the government and me

I'm hot. In more ways than one. It's going to be 100 degrees here today and I just noticed I have bats living under the overhang of my bay window.

So the bats have to go. Dear husband was not too keen on handling a bat invasion and told me to call someone. I did and Ms. Mildred at the pest control company put me on hold then informed me, "Ma'am, we can't do anything about bats until August 1."

K: Excuse me? What? Why?

Apparently, I started sounding like an irate customer here because Ms. Mildred put Ms. Jenny on the phone.

Jenny: Ma'am bats are a protected species and the government does not allow us to do anything about them between May 1 and August 1. It's their mating season and if we killed them now we wouldn't have any more bats.

K: So let me get this straight, I have to live with bats and bat guano building up in my house for another two months? Is there anyone you could recommend who might take care of this issue on his own time?

Apparently, I sounded like an irate customer again (I wasn't) but Ms. Jenny put Mr. Mike on the phone.

Mike: Ma'am it's not really the bats you have to worry about .....

K: Yes, I know, it's the guano.

Mike: Which can be a health hazard....

K: Yes, I know and the government is telling me I have to live with it for the next 2 months. I understand that y'all can't do it without risking fines and the loss of your license, so tell me Mike, what do I do. I'm willing to put bat houses up for the little guys. I actually like bats, they eat a lot of bugs. I just don't like them under my roof.

Mike was very helpful and understood where I was coming from.

Mike: Yeah, the government seems to be sticking its nose into too many places these days.

K: You're not kidding. It's dangerous to exhale now because you're releasing CO2.

Mike: Well, the bats are not dangerous, if you can reach in there while they are roosting, you can pull them off and toss them in trash bags. Even a butterfly net will work.

I'm thinking this is a second story window and left handed, blond, polish girls have no business on ladders that tall trying to catch bats. I have to draw the line somewhere.

K: They have pushed up a flap of shingle. I'm not sure how I could get under it to catch them.

Mike: Tell you's the name and number of the guy we use to do all this. He may be able to get a waiver with the Dept of the Interior to remove your bats by proving to them it's a health issue.

K: That or maybe he'd be willing to do it on his own time with a little help from Ben Franklin. Thank you Mike, you've been most helpful.

And I'm off to sweet talk some guy into breaking the law in order to have bats removed from MY home. What a world....


  1. Thanks for the mental picture of the left handed, blond, polish girl up a ladder. Kristin, don't stop writing, I love every word. I'm still laughing !

  2. I agree with Odie but must inquire as to what state you reside in Kristin?

    I read a reference in your peach pie post to Georgia peaches?

  3. Thanks but your writing made it an easy guess and hey, good luck with the Bat issue.

  4. I think my husband has a date with a ladder... I'll keep y'all posted.

  5. oh my, since when do property owners not have the right to protect their own property? even in a state where freedom is more "allowed"?

  6. You also have to worry about rabies.

    But hey, protect those bats at the cost of human life and health? Sounds like a liberal plan to me.

  7. I thought about that Fuzzy. Last thing I want to do is stick my hand in there. Ugh, I hear the little things moving around!

  8. Hi Kristin! I don't know what's battier, the bats living under your window, or this nosy gov't sticking it's nose everywhere!

    Good Luck, and don't try to touch them yourself.
    You could also call, Ace Ventura ;-)

  9. Could be worse. You could have a moonbat infestation, which is infinitely worse.

    At any rate, good luck.

  10. Here is what you do. Find a neighbor kid you don't like. Provide him with a $20 and some thick leather gloves. Then, stand back and watch the magic happen.

  11. Heh, Bats in your belfry eh? If only the vampire bats in Washington were as easy to get rid of.
    Thanks for commenting at the Robot. I might have never found your wonderful blog. Cheers!

  12. No update yet. I talked to Jeff and convinced him to arm himself with a can of spray foam and get on a ladder after they leave for the night. Hopefully we can plug the d*** hole.


  13. You might have Jeff spray some strong disinfectant around as well before plugging the d@# hole.

  14. sounds like a good plan...thanks for the update.