Bats, the government and me

I'm hot. In more ways than one. It's going to be 100 degrees here today and I just noticed I have bats living under the overhang of my bay window.

So the bats have to go. Dear husband was not too keen on handling a bat invasion and told me to call someone. I did and Ms. Mildred at the pest control company put me on hold then informed me, "Ma'am, we can't do anything about bats until August 1."

K: Excuse me? What? Why?

Apparently, I started sounding like an irate customer here because Ms. Mildred put Ms. Jenny on the phone.

Jenny: Ma'am bats are a protected species and the government does not allow us to do anything about them between May 1 and August 1. It's their mating season and if we killed them now we wouldn't have any more bats.

K: So let me get this straight, I have to live with bats and bat guano building up in my house for another two months? Is there anyone you could recommend who might take care of this issue on his own time?

Apparently, I sounded like an irate customer again (I wasn't) but Ms. Jenny put Mr. Mike on the phone.

Mike: Ma'am it's not really the bats you have to worry about .....

K: Yes, I know, it's the guano.

Mike: Which can be a health hazard....

K: Yes, I know and the government is telling me I have to live with it for the next 2 months. I understand that y'all can't do it without risking fines and the loss of your license, so tell me Mike, what do I do. I'm willing to put bat houses up for the little guys. I actually like bats, they eat a lot of bugs. I just don't like them under my roof.

Mike was very helpful and understood where I was coming from.

Mike: Yeah, the government seems to be sticking its nose into too many places these days.

K: You're not kidding. It's dangerous to exhale now because you're releasing CO2.

Mike: Well, the bats are not dangerous, if you can reach in there while they are roosting, you can pull them off and toss them in trash bags. Even a butterfly net will work.


I'm thinking this is a second story window and left handed, blond, polish girls have no business on ladders that tall trying to catch bats. I have to draw the line somewhere.

K: They have pushed up a flap of shingle. I'm not sure how I could get under it to catch them.

Mike: Tell you what....here's the name and number of the guy we use to do all this. He may be able to get a waiver with the Dept of the Interior to remove your bats by proving to them it's a health issue.

K: That or maybe he'd be willing to do it on his own time with a little help from Ben Franklin. Thank you Mike, you've been most helpful.

And I'm off to sweet talk some guy into breaking the law in order to have bats removed from MY home. What a world....